How to Survive School Breaks Without Breaking Your Marriage: Your Holiday Game Plan for Stress, Kids, and Staying a Team

By Corrin Voeller, Couples Therapist | St. Louis Park, MinnesotaServing St. Louis Park, Edina, Minnetonka, Wayzata, Orono, Golden Valley & Minneapolis

Let’s be brutally honest:Holiday breaks from school and childcare are the Olympics of marriage cooperation.

Your kids are home.Your routine is destroyed.Your work schedule doesn’t magically go away.Somebody still has to make food.Somebody still has to keep the house running.And both of you are trying really hard not to resent each other.

If you’ve ever thought during winter break:“This is not sustainable and I might lose my mind,”congratulations — you’re normal.

But here’s the thing most couples don’t know:

You can survive school breaks without silently tallying who did more.You just need a PLAN — a fair, equitable one — that you both create together.

📌 Want help creating that plan before you start fighting? Book a consult with me or email corrinvoeller@gmail.com for a day-long intensive.

Why Holiday Breaks Are a Stress Trap for Couples

The holidays blow up every system you rely on:

• school: closed

• daycare: closed

• after-school activities: paused

• work demands: still very much alive

• kids: extra needy, overstimulated, or bored

• weather: freezing, dark at 4:30 PM, and depressing

• emotional bandwidth: nonexistent

Sound familiar?

And suddenly, both partners feel overwhelmed, unseen, or overworked.

Here’s the quiet truth:Most conflict isn’t about the kids. It’s about fairness, equity, and emotional load.

And winter break is when all of that gets magnified.

Step 1: Sit Down and Make a “Holiday Break Plan” Before the Chaos Hits

No one enjoys a last-minute scramble.And no one likes being the default parent for two straight weeks.

A simple 20–30 minute conversation can save you from two weeks of resentment.

Your plan should cover:

✔ Work schedules

What days are you working?What hours?What can flex?What can’t?

✔ Childcare coverage

Who’s “on” and when?How do we split it in a way that doesn’t crush one person?

✔ Daily responsibilities

Meals, naps, activities, downtime, cleanup — divide them with intention, not assumptions.

✔ Rest time for BOTH partners

If one person gets a break and the other doesn’t?Congratulations — you’ve created a marital landmine.

Protect time for both of you to breathe.

✔ Family time

What’s the vibe?Cozy? Active? Downtime? Social?You get to choose.

This planning session is not rigid scheduling.It’s clarity.And clarity breeds connection.

Step 2: Make Sure Your Plan Is Fair — Not “Equal”

Here’s the thing:Equality means a 50/50 split.Equity means splitting things based on bandwidth, work demands, and capacity.

Fairness in marriage is not about identical workload —it’s about shared effort and shared impact.

So ask:

• Who has more flexibility?

• Who is more burnt out?

• Who needs a real break?

• Who’s carrying more mental load right now?

Fairness means taking turns being the one who steps up — not expecting perfection.

When couples divide labor based on equity, resentment drops and teamwork increases.Every time.

Step 3: Review (Don’t Just Assume) Kids’ Needs During Break

During holiday breaks, kids need:

✔ structure✔ downtime✔ predictable transitions✔ someone available✔ something to do (even if it’s screens, let’s be real)

If both parents assume the other will magically handle everything…no one wins.

Make a plan for:

• activities

• meals

• screen time

• bedtime routines

• social plans

• quiet breaks

This lowers kid stress and couple stress.

Step 4: Have a “Support Each Other” Agreement

You’re not just co-managers.You’re partners.

Holiday breaks are the perfect time to reinforce that.

Agree on:

✔ “Tap out” signals

If one of you is overstimulated or done — call it.No shame. No judgment.

✔ Standing up for your partner in front of family

If visiting relatives criticize, question, or pressure your spouse,you step in.Period.

Teamwork stops 90% of holiday fights.

✔ Checking in daily

A simple “How are you doing today?”keeps resentment from building.

Step 5: Adjust as You Go (You’re Not Robots)

No plan survives two weeks of stir-crazy children and Minnesota winter darkness.

Review the plan every few days:

• What’s working?

• What’s not?

• Who needs support?

• What needs adjusting?

Flexibility is part of equity.

Why This Matters for Your Relationship

Holiday breaks can either:

• build resentment

• OR build deeper partnership

The couples who thrive are not the ones who “power through.”They’re the ones who plan, collaborate, communicate, and adjust.

When partners feel the workload is shared?

They feel loved.

When partners feel their stress is recognized?

They feel supported.

When partners feel like a team?

They feel safe — and connection grows.

This is the foundation of healthy relationships.

Serving Couples Across St. Louis Park + Surrounding Areas

I work with couples from:St. Louis Park, Edina, Minnetonka, Wayzata, Orono, Golden Valley, and Minneapolis.

These are busy, high-demand communities where parents juggle intense schedules, work pressure, and emotional load — so you’re not alone in this.

Holiday break stress is real.And you deserve support that actually fits your life.

Ready to Make This Holiday Break Easier on Your Marriage?

You don’t have to just “survive” school closures and winter break.You can create a season that actually strengthens your relationship — with the right tools.

📌 Book a consult with me today to get support.Or email corrinvoeller@gmail.com if you’d like to schedule a day-long couples intensive to reset your communication and partnership.

Your marriage doesn’t have to crumble under holiday stress.Let’s make it stronger — together.

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